By Amna Sultan

Author’s note: Dr.Amna (What’s wrong in dreaming), hates giving free advices but due to the continuous price hike, decided to do some pro bono work =D

Catharsis # 1: Crying

Failure- an earthquake that rocks the foundations of our lives, at some point in time. We, being pansies and wussies, cower and not combat. After a lot of brainstorming, I came up with 7 ways to deal with this nuisance based on the sentiments felt by us human beings (Wow! I sound as if it’s dirt on my shoulder). So Lo and Behold!


1 : Cry

Yes, Ladies and Gentleman. Bawl. Wail. Cry. It’s therapeutic. Cry as if the world is ending. And do it in front of the teacher. If you’re a girl, then all the better. Even the most impassive individual cannot ignore tears. You’ll surely be able to strum some of the heartstrings of the apathetic teacher and next time he could take pity on you.


Catharsis # 2: Getting angry

2: Get angry

All you ballistic individuals could capitalise on this factor. Imagine yourself to be a superwoman (or man) who’s whopping the hell out of a bellicose drunk or a sexist. Do the same with failure. Let it not intimidate you. Stare at it with a crazy look in your eyes and voila! It won’t have an effect at you at all.


3. Laugh

Catharsis # 3: Laughing like a maniac

Pass it off as a joke while crying in your heart. Exactly. Be a hypocrite (:P). Just to show the world or rather failure that you are empowered, and brave. Get your inner shrink to work a spell on your mind. Think of happy thoughts – like acing the next exam. Which would rather be a difficult feat to achieve, considering the former result and all. But who cares? We are talking about happy thoughts here. It’s good to make a cake of one’s self sometimes.

Basically your aim is to feel ecstatic and euphoric. Period.


Catharsis # 4: Mentally manhandling someone =P

4. Get physical

Yes. Pugilism is the key word here. Try to think of someone you despise. It could be your teacher. Put your mind to work and think about the various torture techniques you can inflict upon his person. My favourite being asphyxiation (:P). Many times, my friend and I have instigated murder plans and believe me, it’s rejuvenating. If it’s inspiration you’re lacking in, listen to songs like Gives you Hell and Breaking the Habit.


Catharsis # 5: Cooking

5. Cook

It’s not a matter of possessing culinary skills. Our aim is the amelioration of melancholia – failure’s compatriot. Unleash the inner Betty Crocker in you and cook like a possessed woman. May be at the end of the day, you’ll end up with a bunch of mouth-watering dishes and a rather happy disposition.


Catharsis # 6: Think Different

6. Change your outlook

Don’t take outlook in the physical sense. I don’t want you people to end up like Rihanna or Pink. It’s all about perception in this case. Don’t think about failure being the end of the world. If life hands you thorns once, then be careful the next time and purchase high-quality gloves (Not those with Made in China written on it’s wrapping). You could buy those boxing gloves, but then do not forget to gift a shiner to life. It’s high time that life realises that payback is a *****.



Catharsis # 7: Writing

Among all the seven mentioned, this is the most reliable one. Vent out all the emotions on a piece of paper and it’s my guarantee, that you’ll feel better. Example could be:

*A D grade adorning the paper just handed out by the teacher*

You write: A mélange of emotions swept through my body with sadness overpowering them all. It had inundated my soul with an intensity unknown to me. Anger soon replaced the lachrymose thoughts and I clutched the paper in my hand. Tight. And then I tore it into tiny pieces and threw them in the bin.

Realising your emotions instead of forsaking them is the key to overcome failure. Writing helps do that.





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    Editor's Note: The 8th way could be sleeping the melancholy off, waking up with a fresh start =P

    great write-up…first idea was really funny…can't imagine crying in front of a teacher though =P

    AmnaAslam / Reply

      I did that Amna and I threatened the teacher as well 😛 I tend to cry when I cannot get physical 😛 LOL.Yeah I felt like slugging him 😛 But he was very sympathetic.Yeah I know, sympathetic my ass!!

      Amna / Reply (in reply to AmnaAslam)

        i witnessed the crying part myself….. lol….. and u really dont look like the amna i use to know…….. OMG CHANGE!!!! hahahaha jk…..

        G Mujtaba / Reply (in reply to Amna)

          Hahhahahahahhahaha.That was because of sheer frustration.And that wasn't crying.It was just tears.

          Amna / Reply (in reply to G Mujtaba)

            hahahah yeah rite i still remember the look on ur face…. agar hum SK main an hotey tu paka roney lag jana tha apney…… and Btw crying is the best weapon girls can use against men… was this what u were trying to do that day???? hahahahaha lmao….

            G mujtaba / (in reply to Amna)

            Shsh!It's a public forum Bhai.

            Amna / (in reply to G mujtaba)

            And why do you have to apply everything there.It's the past and I've had enough of it.

            Amna / (in reply to G mujtaba)

            behan g public forum hai yeh kindly respect ur teachers…. and i was just kidding u didnt cry at all…..dont take it to ur heart….

            G Mujtaba / (in reply to Amna)

    Nice read, very apt! 😀

    Also, consider listening to Rocky's theme song while thumping your punching gloves together in your mind.. Never a better way to get physical :)

    NFI / Reply

      Hannie.Do you remember when in O Levels we used to make murder plans.Mainly revolving aroung Teacher Beena and Sir Hamid 😛 Haahahahhahahahahaha.

      Amna / Reply (in reply to NFI)

        *takes out her old-forgotten murder plans in the back of Stanlakes*

        NFI / Reply (in reply to Amna)

          And the time you wrote that Hunnie binch wala song.And the time Spud and I could not suppress our guffaws 😛 HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

          Amna / Reply (in reply to NFI)

    Haha I did that once! Cried in front of a teacher while sitting for an exam =P I totally aced the exam but it was SO embarrassing! The teacher kept laughing at me! =(
    Listening to loud rock music or rap songs with a lot of swear words in them helps too. =P

    Amal / Reply

    Lol, I can't imagine crying either but I'm definitely gonna try some of the other stuff! 😛
    Awesome, Amna! 😀

    Saman / Reply

    Hahahahah!Awesomee…I love #1 and #3! 😀 😀

    Good job Amu!Once again,you made me laugh! 😀

    Sidra H. / Reply
  6. amna HAHAHHAHAHAHHA good yaar!

    FaryalA / Reply

    Dear Amna, ur this piece has reminded me of Chaucer in terms of humor and irony and of Jonathan Swift in terms of his satire in his work Gulliver Travel and allegorical writing in the way as Spenser did in his work Farie Queene. Well-done ,well-done! u have juxtaposed the ideas of all great writers of English Literature and reflected truth in an influencing manner. Keep it up.

    Inayatullah / Reply

    HAHAHAHAHA!!! Loved it!!
    Especially the getting physical bit!! 😀
    Also the changing the outlook bit, MUST try it!!
    next time I get a C in gp (God forbid) lo and behold! next day u'll see me all decked in chains, a cap, baggy pants and well…maybe a deck for added benefit 😛
    Good job!

    DeedaAli / Reply

    love #4 and 6! 😀

    Sara Ali / Reply

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